Introduction to me

Introduction to me

Hola Amigos!

It’s been almost a year since I started this blog but some of you don’t know me personally or even at all but you come back time and time again to read my posts and that’s very sweet so I thought I should list a few ‘annoying’ things about me just in case anyone thinks I’m in anyway always 100% adorable.

  1. I multitask when I watch movies or series or TV in general: I cannot sit still to watch a movie no matter how good it is. I have to play candy crush soda or 2048 alternatively. Sometimes I even sneak a few pages or chapters of books. 
  2. I almost always forget to return a call: if I’m not expecting your call and I miss it either by mistake or on purpose depending on my mood, I may never return it. It’s not because I hate you or something, I just forgot.
  3. My room is mostly unorganised: I start and abandon projects with the snap of a finger so on one corner you may find shorts that I was sewing on another corner a facial mask that I was in the process of making and on my bed you could find my drawing book with half a dress or face or whatever I was drawing and my journal where I have scribbled from corner to corner. It is mostly because my brain is so much faster than my hands so when this idea comes, while I’m at it a new one comes and before you know it, I live in a jungle of clothes and books and whatever ideas I have tools for…
  4. I might be a hoarder?( I’m not sure): I don’t know exactly when it started but it has started and I’m living it. I keep things that bring back memories no matter how useless the things may seem; receipts, a pebble, the dress I wore for my primary school dance (except it had been stolen after the dance and wouldn’t even fit me), my very first glasses that broke, my very first secret diary even though everything is written in pencil and is very well faded and I had a code that I can no longer read, etc
  5. I cannot let wrongly pronounced words go, I just can’t 😢: disclaimer!! I also pronounce words incorrectly. I just find it very difficult to not correct my friends and those close to me when they speak or pronounce words wrongly. Most have reiterated how annoying it is but that’s just me and sometimes I do it at the wrongest times but I still love you it’s just a huge pet peeve of mine and the fact that I love when people correct my mispronounced words makes it hard for me to understand why people don’t like it. Anyway I’m reducing the way I do that. Now, I just hold it in if I know correcting them wouldn’t change anything if that makes sense…

And that’s the end of some ‘annoying’ things about me I can remember. Can you relate to any? This post is intended to lighten up you mood with the constant rain that hinders you plan for the day to the harsh rays of sun or whatever is making your day not so pleasant…

Love, 

Chidimma Akubue ❤

P.s I might follow up this post with random facts about me sometime. 

A Reflection of Who You Are. (Poetry and Prose)

Series of attack

Endless self torture

They tell you to suck it up

They forget to tell them to stop 

I remind myself,

It is not my fault I’m intelligent

It is not my fault I’m bold

It is not my fault I’m beautiful

It is not their fault they are not.

                                  || Prose ||

Has your person ever been attacked for no apparent reason? Series of personal attacks on you as a person that leave you sometimes over dissecting and torturing yourself? 

The most annoying part of this is that when you tell some people that you feel can help you some would say ‘suck it up’ also known as ‘just let it go’ but what they usually fail to do is tell you that these attacks are not your fault at all. 

Beautiful soul, it is not your fault that you’re beautiful insideout. It is not your fault that you’re bold and intelligent, outspoken and smart. No honey! Heck! All these are not even faults to begin with. Your only fault is that you’re all these and a bag of chips but your attacker is not. 

You ever wonder why some people would try to put you down for being honest about who you are? It’s because you are a reflection of who they aspire to become. These people want to be honest about who they are. They want to do the things and be the things they constantly bad mouth you about so rather than appreciate your light, they would rather castigate and criticize you because they are afraid. Afraid that the judgement they have given out will be metted unto them as well and they would be dealt a heavier hand than the one they’ve dealt others. 

Image source: google

They are wondering to themselves, how do you carry yourself with so much pride? After all the things you’ve heard about yourself, why is your head still held high and your back as arched as ever and your posture as upright as could be?

How can you still be on your feet when they’ve tried knocking you down from all angles?

My Love, their hate for you is only a reflection of who they are. It has nothing to do with you. 

So while they sneer at you, say mean and despicable things about you, start rumours, spread lies and might even physically attack you, RAY CHARLES to the Drama.

Remind yourself that people’s opinions of you does not define you but God’s opinion and what you think of yourself.” For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. ”

What does that tell you about them?

Love, Chidimma Akubue ❤

On Grief and Moving On: My Experience.

On Grief and Moving On: My Experience.

I have never travelled on Christmas day, much less to my hometown. Last Christmas I did both. At every border of each state we had to pass through to get to ours, as I travelled with my family, there was an accident. Cars mangled, looking like someone chewed them and decided they didn’t like the way they tasted so they spat them out. 

There was thick red blood splattered on some cars. I didn’t want to look but I tried to. How can I call myself human if I choose to turn my eyes away from the pain of others? Somehow I felt I was paying my respect by at least looking rather than wishing away their pain and pretending not to see that my fellow human was suffering. For as long as the journey lasted, there were no deaths but people were badly hurt, on Christmas day. 

We arrived our destination in peace and sound health and my father said a prayer before we alighted from the car. We unpacked all we had travelled with but I still found my heart going back to the accidents on the road far behind us. I scrolled through my social media apps and it increased my pain. Someone was paying tribute to his mother. Another lost his mother in the early hours of Christmas. I couldn’t cry with them, not because I didn’t want to but I had a terrible cold, I could hardly breathe let alone find the energy to cry. I closed my eyes and said the serenity prayer on their behalf.

Grief. 

Nothing ever prepares you for the death of a loved one, nothing. Who would have thought that exactly six months and 5 days after Christmas I’d be grieving someone.

My grandfather had died 7 years ago and she had developed high blood pressure as a result of the circumstances surrounding his death. She chose to stay back home in the village a while to mourn but then her children insisted it was best she came to Lagos to live with us. She alternated between each one of her child’s house but for the most part she lived in my house.

My grandmother and I share a bond and a “love -but- pretend -to- hate relationship” where this minute we were not talking just because I didn’t serve lunch at exactly twelve noon or dinner wasn’t in the works by 4pm and the next we were laughing about how she’d attend all her grand daughter’s weddings in grand style and gift us this amazing and expensive silverware serving dish she had been eyeing on our many trips to the market.

Anything to hold her hands one last time

Ogiri seeds that we turned our fingers and a stick to shellers together for and prepared for the batch of ogiri currently in use at home.
He favourite stop for Sunday rice on Saturday afternoons. I’m not even ready for the “where is mama?” questions at the market.

We would chat about life and how she survived the civil war selling food to the Biafran soldiers and selling salt, a rare commodity at the time, how I’m an exact replica of my grand father’s mother from mannerisms and down to my physique. She had told me how she and my dad and his siblings survived the war feeding on agidi she had made from scratch. Our trips to the market ended with us buying juicy oranges or some other fruit but mostly oranges.

She had recently taught me how to make ogiri igbo, a very vital ingredient for cooking her favourite soup; onugbu. 

I really wasn’t prepared for the news that morning. I cried and cried knowing well that my tears wouldn’t bring her back but somehow hoping that she’d hear my voice from across the country and wake up and say it was just a sick joke. She didn’t, she never would.

I don’t know which is worse, realising that sooner than later I’d need to reference our videos together to remember what her voice sounds like or going home to Lagos and there’s no grandma waiting for me with a cooler of hot onugbu soup and wheatmeal simmering in the pot on the gas cooker, no grandma to tell me “sorry for you” when I tell her that my future husband and I would do house chores together (she aggresively believed otherwise but wished me luck anyway). No mama to cry with me when I cry and try my best to explain depression to her. No mama to pray for me everytime I’m leaving home for a long period for school and say “nne m, ig’anu di ozigbo ozigbo i n’agusi akwukwo” and everyone giggled amidst prayers for safe journey and succesful stay in school. No mama…

It is 10:44pm , Sunday 9th of July and over a week since this devastating news and I’m still in denial. They say there are 5 stages of grief. First is denial then anger , then bargaining, then depression and finally acceptance. 

Somehow I still feel like she’s at home drinking pap and sitting or lying on that particular couch just long enough to contain her legs and soft enough for her to sleep on. I can still see her prancing about the kitchen trying to make dinner or cook ukwa. I still see her praying her thank you Jesus rosary and her divine mercy rosary and 20 decades of the rosary in a sitting every morning, I can still see her knocking on my dad’s door asking him to hurry because it is the month of Mary and she can never miss May devotion. I can still see her encouraging me to go for confession on Saturdays, to continue my role as a lector, to take my total consecration more serious, to say my rosary often and to always, always apologise and accept when I’m wrong because life is way too short to hold grudges and not live at all…and she was right…

The very last time we will ever pose for a picture together.

For Mama nnukwu ,

Love always, 

Chidimma”Inyugo” Akubue ❤

Time to Take a Stand. 

Time to Take a Stand. 

“As a man thinketh” by James Allen is one of the most difficult books I’ve ever come across. So light in weight yet so dense with wisdom and essentially very hard to practice.

Our thoughts are an essential part of our being. They make or break us depending on how well we use them. This is why it is time to take a stand.

I slip into depression very easily because I am one with a very active imagination and sometimes I can get so lost in my head that I can’t even tell whether it is real or my imagination. It usually starts with one single negative event that brings about a negative thought. I begin to over analyse and before long I’ve created a whole movie series of unfortunate events that could happen. Baseless imaginations that hold no water. By the time I’ve sunk so deep, I can’t sleep at night and in the morning I can’t get out of bed. It rolls on from hours to days and usually takes a toll on my health. The little weight I’ve managed to gain is gone and the dormant malaria parasite is triggered. Just from a single thought.

A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad, cannot fail to produce its results on the character and circumstances. A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances – James Allen (As A Man Thinketh)


Thoughts are a force, magnetic in nature and powerful enough to attract other thoughts. Unlike the magnet, like poles attract when it comes to thoughts. If you put a negative thought out, best believe other negative thoughts will come along too so also with positive thoughts.

Seize the day by seizing your thoughts.

For me it is time to take a stand. I remind myself that I control my thoughts and actively take steps to think good thoughts.

Jeremiah 29vs 11 is a good place to start.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. King James version



Join me in the comment section. How do you deal with negative thoughts when they push down against you? I’d really like to know.

Love, Chidimma Akubue ❤

First ‘DIY Fashion’ Post.

First ‘DIY Fashion’ Post.

Funny thing about fear is how right until the moment you do that which you were afraid of you feel paralyzed and once you do it, you feel lighter on the inside. In my previous post here, I talked about fear but I was still afraid of something. 

Today I’m doing it afraid but doing it anyway. This is my first DIY fashion blog post for so many reasons but the most baseless one that was causing me to fear was the quality of the images (because I thought you need a DSLR to get great images. Till I can get one, I’d be using my phone, afraid LOL!) Anyway let’s get down to what you’ll need to do this yourself. 

Items: 

  1. A pair of denim pants or shorts (could be old or thrifted. Mine is old)
  2. Gun glue and glue stick
  3. Ankara fabric cut in the shape of back pockets.
  4. Scissors
  5. Tweezers or something sharp ( I used a spoilt bobby pin)
  6. Snacks, lots of snacks and free time if you want to finish it in one sitting. 

I originally just wanted to fray the ends of the pants but then it struck me, why not just change up the whole look since I already hated the pants and had plans to throw it out anyway. And believe me after the change up I still have them and I won’t be throwing them out as soon as I thought. 

How To 

Lay out your jeans on a flat surface and eyeball the amount of fray you want. Mark the length of your fray and cut in tiny pieces lengthwise.

If you want it ripped, cut width wise shorter or longer depending on how wide you want it ripped and how high you want the distress to go.

Distress the jeans by scratching the scissors across the parts you cut width wise ( remember to place a carton or hard flat object behind so it doesn’t affect the back.

When the distress is done, heat up your glue stick and outline the back pockets making sure to leave out the hemmed seams. Place your Ankara cut out or any firm fabric on to the outlined glue while it is still hot and press down with your hands.

Let that sit and dry while you start fraying. Cutting the fabric lengthwise into smaller pieces makes it I much easier and faster. Cut out the hemmed part and start pulling out the threads in the same way you would distress jeans using the pulling out method and tweezers. 

And voila! You’ve got yourself a pair of trendy denim pants with your own unique twist. How’s that for a revamp?

Yeah I did ballet for a few months in high school

Curls popping. Maybe I’d do a post on hair one day.

So beautiful souls, don’t be afraid to do it, do it afraid, whatever “it”is for you at the moment.

Love,

Chidimma Henrietha Akubue  ❤

Click here to learn all about my visit to the Lekki conservation center in Lagos.

Feeling a little overpowered by the circumstances around you? Check out this encouraging post that reminds you of your power.

Quite Smitten

Quite Smitten

There’s a tingle in my belly

My legs feel like jelly

The butterflies make merry

This is how I know I’m quite smitten.



I’m in a hurry

To run fingers through your hair so curly

I’d rather disappear with you on a Ferry

This is how I know I’m quite smitten.



This is also how I know 

That what I feel below

Is all I’ll feel for you, y’know?

The poet persona, who has been in relationships before and can almost certainly understand her feelings about the opposite sex, shares how she knows she is not in love.

For the poet persona, she knows it is just lust when she wants to do something absurd like disappear on a ferry or feels butterflies in her belly .

The poet persona believes that love should be calm, that the moment you fall in love, you should feel calm as opposed to unease and hyper stimulation of your emotions.

What do you think? Should love be a calm feeling or something that tickles you and makes you uneasy?

Let me know in the comment section.

Love, 

Akubue Chidimma Henrietha ❤

The Fear and Inevitability of Oblivion and a Foolproof Cure called Love.

The Fear and Inevitability of Oblivion and a Foolproof Cure called Love.

On graduating from highschool, my very last time on stage is still my most memorable.I performed Beyonce’s I was here with three other mates after a period of ceaseless rehearsals.

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time 

Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind When I leave this world, I’ll leave no regrets

Leave something to remember, so they won’t forget
I was here I lived, I loved

 I was here I did, I’ve done everything that I wanted 

And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here…

I was here-Beyonce Knowles.

At the time, I personally related the song to me being in highschool. Not to gloat but I was quite active in extra curricular activities, so at the point of singing that song on stage I was relating it to all the activities I had participated in while my time lasted there. I didn’t see “being here” beyond highschool. Long after graduation, I still reflect on the lyrics to that song.

Footprints at Oguta Lake

I clearly see myself and three other girls on stage, each with a microphone in hand, two wearing red 6 inch stilettos,the other two wearing black. All four of us in blue bandage dresses, white bolero jackets, red facinators and accessories to match, singing softly, swaying newly formed and inexperienced hips, scrunching our faces briefly before hitting the high notes and relaxing the muscles in our faces when we were satisfied we had delivered. The crowd went agog as we cat walked off stage back to our seats beaming with pride.

In my mind, that was the end of leaving my footprints in the sands of time. Years down the line I realise that it does not take one big day to leave your footprints in the sands of time. It’s in the little effort you put doing the things you love to do, like taking photos of places you find aesthetic qualities that others don’t, writing those poems or essays others call depressing, talking about fashion or art, sharing stories of places you’ve visited or lives that have rekindled the fire within you, whatever it is.

I’m going to take a moment here and tell a truth. I didn’t put my heart into some of these activities because I was scared. If you’ve ever seen the movie version of John Greene’s fault in our stars, the scene that touched me most pictured below was when Augustus talked about oblivion.

Photo credit: pintrest

I was afraid that I really didn’t have much to say and even if I did who would want to listen anyway? What did I have to say that nobody had heard before? What talent was l going to display that no one had already displayed?  I was scared that in no time I’d be forgotten, I’d have almost not existed so I found myself engaging in extra curricular activities that I didnt particularly enjoy, beyond highschool, I hung out with people I didnt truly connect with and went places I didn’t really want to. But as time went by, I began to see myself in another light. I began to realise that I had to “be here” it didn’t matter that what I had to say had been said before but what mattered was that I was a unique individual so I would say whatever my own way.I truly believe now that  I can do anything I want to.I no longer think that just because I sucked at it yesterday doesn’t mean I can’t try today.so don’t say or think to yourself just because the whole world does not know you doesn’t mean someone doesn’t. Just because someone you want doesn’t want you doesn’t mean no one will . Just because you’re not working your dream job doesn’t mean you never will. 

Now let’s be honest, Loving yourself flaws and what not is as hard as can be. Somedays you’re floating in self love and other days you’re wondering “what’s there to love about me?”We all go through that rollercoaster every now and again. 

While oblivion might be inevitable, it truly is what you do with NOW that counts.  “Be Here” You wouldn’t even be around to see who remembers and who forgets you when oblivion eventually comes so Chin up Champ, you’ve got this!

Get up, go out and leave your footprints in the sands of time and please my darlings do not forget to swallow your daily pill of self love.

P.S you can’t overdose on Love…

Love, Chidimma Akubue ❤