I wish I had my life back.

I can bet top dollar that I’m not the only one wishing on a star or peeing in a fountain and wishing for my life back.

Scene from the movie ”The change up”

Life has taken a new and unexplainable or unexpected turn for majority of the world. As it stands a percentage of the world is in danger of starvation , the other in danger or contacting and dying from a novel virus and yet another percentage is losing their land to locusts.

It’s almost like the Egyptian plague the Bible speaks of.

Times are scary , I’d be the first to admit that. Every financial professional is steady claiming doom is underway for the world economy and nothing can save youuuuu. I don’t want to believe that but what do I know?

Call me selfish, call me crazy but I just want my life back. What did I do with it when I had it you ask? Well I didn’t live it okay! No need to judge me so harshly.

I spent a great part of my 2020 so far buried in work, every opportunity to hang out with friends, every opportunity to go on dates, every opportunity to just not be home and in my bed turning and tossing I turned down. Now there’s a global pandemic that has every thoughtful nation locking down the system to ensure that the virus does not ravage the nation.

Many would call my country a failed state, heck I might even join in but at least she is making an effort

I just want to be able to make soap because I want to not because I have to , I want to be able to sit my behind at home by choice not by force, I want to be able to go to the movies and just enjoy a movie alone like I used to, I want to be able to hug my friends again, to see them and to tell them I love them to their faces. I want to get dressed and hop on a bus and be on my way to work. I miss my chair in the office, I miss laughing in real life with my colleagues. I miss waiting for the bus . I miss exchanging heated glances with the conductor who just won’t give me my change . I miss going to the ice-cream store. I wish I could go back in time and enjoy these fleeting moments a little more.

I wish I had my life back!

How I’ve felt the past 5 weeks

Do you wish the same? Let me know below in the comments.

Remember to love and protect yourself especially now.

Love always,

Chidimma Akubue❤️

Bitter Sweet Ginger Ale

Look at me.

So gorgeous, so lusciuos so delicious.

But can you believe that I’m not all sweet neither am I all bitter.

That’s the truth about our lives. No one is inherently bad and no one is inherently good. We are all a bunch of contradictions. We judge people for liking sex on the beach but we like to get it on best in the back seat of a car. Are these things bad? dont ask me I havent eaten yet and my brain gets fuzzy when I’m hungry.

We cant stand people who dont speak fluent English but we cannot even speak their native language even if our life depended on it.

Just like a rose with its many thorns is still beautiful, so am I. So are you.

Lets all learn to not see each other as simply good people or bad people. We should rather see ourselves as people. People who are capable of good and bad, truth and lies, being faithful and cheating, loving and hating, fighting and uniting. People who are capable of hurting others and loving others, hurting ourselves and loving ourselves.

Lets see each other, even one another, our friends our parents our siblings and everyone in our path as people who also deserve the benefit of the doubt that we so generously give ourselves when we have done those things we would rather not speak about to anyone else,

I hope we can learn to do that.

Here’s also a picture of my face as promised in my previous post

namaste.

Chidimma ❤️

Trauma: the gift that keeps on giving

I came up with this title based on personal experience and then I launched my research and discovered there were prior articles on this immense tansformation one undergoes after a traumatic experience.

I saw this post on instagram and it reminded me of how I’ve been seeing a former partner recently almost every turn I take. It’s funny how when you grow past something or you’ve levelled up, those things come back to kind of test you if your healing was performative or intentional. I’m glad to announce it was intentional although at first I tried to force it by performing instead of just allowing the healing to take place.

Looking back at the time in question or the person in question I can categorically say that my self esteem was at its unhealthiest level ever. That’s the beauty of leveling up though; it teaches you to be more compassionate when you see people who manifest parts of your former self, a ‘you’ from the past that you have now outgrown.

What then is the transformative power of trauma? It’s the growth you experience after picking and dusting yourself up after a traumatic event. Time and chance happens to us all and this unfortunately implies that not everyone experiences this positive and beautiful transformation trauma has the tendency to bring and those who experience this do so at varying degrees.

Take for instance the book of Job; he lost everything including his loved ones. That’s enough to have made him take himself out or spare his life by denouncing God as he was tempted to but he didn’t. The series of unfortunate events that happened in his life strengthened his resolve and faith. Imagine if his faith was shaky before the trial now picture him after all had been restored to him. We both know you can’t tell Job nothing about God after all he had experienced.

While trauma makes some people better, in others it brings out parts of themselves that they have hidden from everyone else sometimes they don’t even realize these parts of themselves exist.

These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ – Nancy Sinatra.

Hello esteemed readers, welcome back!

We are going Pop culture today and a little deeper on the blog are you ready?

Nancy Sinatra is an American singer and actress. She is the elder daughter of Frank Sinatra and Nancy Sinatra and is widely known for her 1966 signature hit “These Boots are Made for Walkin’ – Wikipedia

So it has been a little over half a century since this song was first released and I believe it is still relevant today and trust me to always try to find beauty and meaning in everything.

For me this song means to never give up on yourself. *awkward silence*

Chidimmaaaaaa!! There you go again! Where did you get this one from? How?

OK, hear me out now will ya? 

If you Google the meaning of the song, I’m aware what pops up points to her divorce and what not but you see, that’s the beauty of art. There are so many beautiful meanings to be derived. 

As much as I see ” Never Give Up on Yourself” I also see “Walk Away From Anything Not Meant For You” or essentially anything that drains you. 

I’m aware that in some cases you have to run   sometimes cycle, sometimes drive but whatever you do honey whatever , KEEP WALKING.

If like me you have just realised this , listen to the song and start walking. Here’s the link to the song : https://youtu.be/2q6x2v7qG-w

So one thing is for sure. Whether your boots be dainty

Image source: Google

 or your boots be sturdy, you gotta keep walkin’

Image source: google “sturdy boots”

Are you ready boots? Start walkin’

Love, 

Chidimma Akubue ❤